Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
