I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
