Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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