Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
