Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
