What a fucking waste of an outfit
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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