i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
