apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
