Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
