Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
