A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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