If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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