Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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