I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
