what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
