I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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