So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
