I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
