we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
