He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
