NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
