I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
