I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
