well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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