And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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