I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
