I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
