Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
