I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
