Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
