I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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