she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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