i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
