i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
