Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
