i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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