ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
