my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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