I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
