420 ftw
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
