I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
