my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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