Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
