youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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