can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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