Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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