He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
