Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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