just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
