i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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